There are certain facts of life with which one must come to terms.

Life begins and life ends.
There is a season and an order to everything under heaven.

Spring brings seeding; Summer brings ripening and harvest; Fall brings aging; Winter brings death and new fertile ground for rebirth. There is a season to everything, turn, turn, turn. And a time to everything… under heaven.

So not only does our life begin and end, but so does the life of everything else we create and give birth to. Then why do we “attach” ourselves to what is, by definition of being alive, temporal (or temporary)?

Because we do. This is an integral part of life. We dig in. We love. We have passion for. We have affection for. We grow fond of. Our emotions are amplified for what we hold near and dear and close to our hearts. Simply put: because loss is inevitable, mourning becomes inevitable.

Suffering is inevitable.

That’s a fun thought? Huh? I’m trying to keep it light, but this part you’ll have to forge through with me. We’re troopers, right?

As humans being, we have the capability for a great deal. We have thoughts, thousands per minute, and the capability for millions more in that same minute. We have feelings, almost as many as our thoughts. We are capable of great actions and of small, petty ones. However many actions we can think of, that is how many we are capable of – and the mind is a vast place capable of imagining countless ways of doing even one simple task. Put a group of folks together and you’ll see just how many ways one can “screw in a light bulb.” Right?

So in all that we are capable of, why do we continue to resist “the facts of life”?
Loss is inevitable.
Mourning is inevitable.
Suffering is inevitable.
So now what is there to do?

Release. Let go.

Lao-Tzu wrote in the Tao Te Ching:

“If you open yourself to insight,
you are at one with insight
and you can use it completely.
If you open yourself to loss,
you are at one with loss
and you can accept it completely.

“Open yourself to the Tao, 1
then trust your natural responses;
and everything will fall into place.”

The trick? The embrace.

Embrace loss completely. Surrender to the pain. Surrender all your thoughts and ideas of how you’ll get through it and simply be with what is there, inside the loss, the mourning, the pain and the suffering. How to begin?

Write. Write the pain out in words, whatever words come first to mind. Give voice to your pain. Write and keep writing in your journal or on a simple blank sheet(s) of paper. Give voice to your pain and allow it to be heard “out loud.”

Give yourself permission to be in pain, to have your anger, or to be with your fear. Allow the emotions in. Allow them a place to rest. This is hard, but it is also the gift. A gift to yourself. Because when the pain is done,

You’ll watch… as it subsides. Like an ocean of emotion, the tide will come in and the tide will go out. What comes in, must go out. What goes up, must come down. This you can trust. Turn, turn, turn. Those emotions that you hate to be with will dissipate. Just like there are seasons to life, there are both beginnings and endings to pain, fear, anger and all negative emotions. And all you have to do... is be okay with that. It's called ease and grace.

Keep writing if you want a resolution. Keep writing to find the next step. To find peace. In the end, there may not be a resolution. There may be more ranting and chaos. The resolution may come later and patience will then be required. There is a season, turn, turn, turn… to everything, turn, turn, turn. And a time to everything… under heaven. Hell can become heaven, in an instant. You have to be willing to go through hell however, to get to heaven. As there is life and death, there is also rebirth. Don’t shortchange yourself for any of the necessary parts of this cycle. Live fully in the wisdom that pain is temporal and a necessary part of our growth.

If you’re going through hell,
keep going.
Winston Churchill

NOTE: Also visit our Store (you can click Store in the headings above this page) for the book The Gift Of Pain. It might be a great tool for insights in this area.

1 The unending energy that encompasses and animates all life forms in this universe and others; the being-ness that is life itself.